Just go Huawei and shut up! Karma hits back at ‘Stupid Boy’ Gavin Williamson

UK Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson has been sacked for allegedly leaking highly sensitive information regarding discussions from a National Security Council meeting on Chinese tech giant Huawei.

It marks the end of a ministerial career that to put it diplomatically, hardly scaled the heights of brilliance.

As Oscar Wilde once wrote of the death of the Dickens character Little Nell, you'd have to have a heart of stone to read about the sacking of UK Defence Secretary Gavin 'Stupid Boy' Williamson (for allegedly leaking highly sensitive information), without laughing. 

Williamson's nickname is 'Pike', after the gawky and rather gormless accident-prone character in the classic 1970s British sitcom Dad's Army.

Pike is always landing in hot (or rather cold) water, leading to withering glances from his commanding officer Captain Mainwaring and the delivery of the hilarious line 'You stupid boy!'

Williamson has also been compared to the camp comic actor Kenneth Williams, a regular in the 'Carry On' films.

Willamson's time as defence secretary has certainly been a right carry on. You couldn't really script it as a sitcom or film series as it would be rejected by commissioning editors as too silly. Let's relive some of the funniest moments.

Williamson began 2018 in full-on scare the public mode, saying in January, that a Russian attack on Britain's electricity interconnectors would kill not just 'thousands' but “thousands AND thousands AND thousands of people.”

But why on earth would Russia want to do this? Gavin didn't really explain.

Igor Konashenkov, chief spokesman for the Russian Ministry of Defence, said that Williamson's claim of a cyber-attack threat was like something out of Monty Python.

The Pythons gave us the Ministry of Silly Walks, Williamson was clearly the Minister for Silly Talk.

In February 2018, he was at it again, saying that Britain had entered a 'new era of warfare' with the Kremlin and along with its allies, must  “be primed and ready to tackle online threats to energy, infrastructure, finance and public services.” OMG! Was it really worth getting out of bed in the morning seeing how imperilled we were by the dastardly Russkies!

In March 2018 he said Russia's cyber operations were “active and brazen.” That same month, after the Skripal case hit the headlines, and with Russian state involvement unproven, he said Russia “should go away and should shut up.”

Russia is the world's largest country by landmass, covering over 17 million square kilometers in area, so where did Williamson expect it to 'go away' to? The Bahamas? South-east Africa? Williamson was asked later live on television if he regretted using such 'casual language' by the veteran broadcaster Richard Madeley. Four times he failed to answer leading Madeley, quite rightly, to terminate the interview. Politicians like Williamson don't like it 'up em Captain Mainwaring!

Then in July 2018, the really hilarious bit. The man who had spent the previous six months warning us about Russian threats to 'cyber security' was heckled by his own smart phone while giving a statement in the House of Commons on the Syrian 'democratic opposition'.

The UK defence secretary believe it or not had his iPhone Siri set to 'always listen'. Instead of trying to scare us witless about a Russian cyber threat, Williamson should have been paying more attention to the spy in his own trouser pocket.

This was clearly a 'Siri-ous' breach and the fact he was talking about Syria when we heard his mobile speak, only made it even funnier.

Williamson ended his year of making us laugh (unintentionally) by proclaiming very grandly in December that HMS Echo, a multi-role Royal Navy survey ship (equipped with four general purpose machine guns, three miniguns, and two 20mm cannons), which had been deployed to the Black Sea, would send a strong message to Russia. He promised British warships would follow. No doubt the Charge of the Light Brigade (2019 version) would follow on from that.

The Russians must have been quaking in their boots, knowing Private Pike was on their case.

“What we are saying to Russia, what we are saying to President Putin –they cannot continue to act with no regard or care for international laws or international norms,” Williamson thundered.

That same month, a UN-endorsed team of experts urged Britain to abide by international law in the Julian Assange case. Guess what? They didn't.

And who invaded Iraq illegally and bombed Libya back to the Stone Age? Clue, it wasn't Russia.

Williamson strenuously denies he's the source of the leak about Huawei, but even if he's telling the truth, you've got to say he deserved his fate.

The big question – as Mike Barson raised on Twitter yesterday, is how on earth did such a 'Stupid Boy' get to be appointed defence secretary in the first place?

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